fa-la-la-la-la

so, im not looking forward to this christmas season. i work christmas eve from 3pm to midnight...and then im having a "dinner and a movie d-a-t-e" with a boy. awkward city, population me. since when did i become awkward around people, and why is this the case? Why is there this endless cycle of oh i could date you, but i wont, but i want to, but i cant...stupid Christianity. I dont want to be known as a Christian anymore...for all the rediculous cliches we come up with and all the rediculous ground rules we set down only to break them anyway.

"dont take Christ out of Christmas"...how about, we daily take Christ out of Christianity. Im guilty, which is why i think i hate it so much. I despise the word; Christianity. It makes me want to puke bc of all the negative conotations that come along with the word. I hate that people think of Christians and remember back when aunt loretta told them that they were going to burn in the firey pit if they didnt follow Jesus. Well, I personally dont want to burn in the firey pit...BUT i also dont want some wack lady telling me im going to do so if i dont follow someone who has no relevance to me.

i think that's what im going to call myself. A relevantist. I long to be relevant. Jesus was relevant. I really long for my life to be more relevant and full of contentment. Carrie, let's do a bible study on contentment. That would be sweet.

May all your bells be jingled and all your Christmas' white...and all of your hearts relevant to the hurt that will never go away from this world no matter how many "peace on earth" prayers we half-heartedly pray.

<3kachai tea

snowstorms outside and in my heart

between guys, new jobs, bills, my lack of commitment to anything in my life, and my directionless heart i feel like life has been anything but hopeful.

the trials ive faced this year have such an ironic and reoccuring theme...i wish id learn this lesson and get out of this season of my life; fast.

one thing i am thankful for are friendships. one in particular has remained consistant for about two years and one day my dear friend will be repaid richly for all her generous, selfless, and loving acts of kindness towards me. <3

i need more of Jesus and less of me; it sounds so cliche but it's true. i need wisdom and guidance soon because im completely sick of this continuous crashing and burning.

xanga, myspace, livejournal, blogger...im such a nerd. el fin.

the beginning

i signed up so i could comment on beautiful carrie's blogger...word.