faith

Psalm 27:10

Though my father and mother forsake me,

the Lord will receive me.

Psalm 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

~Does faith require confidence? ~

whispers

Criticism seems to be my greatest weakness. My kryptonite if you will. I've avoided it by any cost my entire life, yet still have not quite figured out the best way to dodge the bullets. I act like it doesn't hurt, I avoid talking to the person, I apologize and bend over backwards to regain their favor, I continually punish myself for not being the perfection that I think people expect and desire, I even laugh about it. But it would be a lie to say that I do not take it home on my shoulders, and hope that I can find a way to numb the pain.

Maybe if I just come up with a creative blog post.......then maybe I've earned my worth today.

I once knew a boy who never felt the pain. I sometimes wonder if he wishes he felt more, even though it may be easier for him to live his life untouched and safe.

Today was rough, and even a few whispers can set my spirit into turmoil.

~Self loathing is a waste of time~

You told me I slouched.

crooked

Truth

When forced with the fact that you are completely alone, you soon begin to see what is really true in your life, and what you hold to be true. I have found that I am a very selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed human being. I also have found that I need others desperately. How amazing to discover every morning that there is a desperate hole that is aching to be filled with fellowship. What proof that there is a God of relationship, what proof that he desires our love, just as we desire others. To be honest, I don't think I've ever been through something like this before, it's quite humiliating, but at the same time, invigorating. To know that I am incapable of doing absolutely anything on my own is quite an endearing thought or "idea", but only when I was faced with my own loneliness and crooked self did I truly understand that I am incapable of doing any good.

I come home to the same place, the same bed, and the same mirror, and suddenly, everything becomes disturbingly real. There are no more games, no more distractions, just me, a cat, and the Father. The television provides no comfort, nor does the thought of returning to a job in which I feel utterly unprepared to face. This situation occurs almost every day, and the only thought in which I always find my footing on is the one where Jesus is fasting in the desert for forty days. Tempted in every which way. Exhausted, miserable, and utterly alone. I do not believe that Jesus and the Father talked much during these forty days. I believe Jesus did a lot of praying, seeking, and crying, but fellowship, I believe was rather dry, just as the desert he crossed. You see, because if that is the case, He really did face every temptation that man has faced, including the dry times in our walk, the lonely times, the friendless times. Jesus wandered around for forty days to be tested, to be tried, and finally, to be able to cry when we cry, hold us when we are lonely with understanding arms, and to whisper to us with calming words that there is hope. Jesus made it through those forty days, and on the forty first day, he began his ministry of hope, joy, peace, and love. He has truly tasted these times himself.

~Lord, I'm crooked deep down~

turning off the lights

When I first became a Christian, which was when I was ten, I took the spiritual world very seriously. I do not know if that is because I grew up knowing I had a real enemy, or just simply because I was more attuned to it, being a child, who trusts, and if there is a Jesus, then there is a satan, in which I must wage war against. I fought these elementary spiritual battles by stomping on the ground outside whenever I talked about satan with my friends. I'd kick my feet violently on the floor so that the devil would know that I did not like him, and I knew he was going to lose in the end. I made my unsaved friends join in on the stomping, and we felt better after we had spent physical energy on defeating the beast.
At night, I often found myself scared of the dark forces, aware that they could be anywhere at any time. The imagination can be a blessing, but it can also cause unwarranted anxiety. I usually kept my light on in my closet, but I distinctly remember when I began turning off the light, and holding out my small hand, so that Jesus would hold it. It sounds sweet and cute, but at that age, I knew that if my hand was in His, nothing.....nothing could hurt me. It is with this childlike faith that I think I must learn how to simply submit, trust, and fight. I might think that stomping on the ground and holding out my hand at night were small things, but I seriously doubt that satan ever thought they were small, nor did my Father in Heaven.

Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:11-18

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around you like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Resist him standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering. 1 peter 5:8-9

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. Ephesians 1:3-5

~When was the last time I held my hand out?~

come back soon...

I've found that my savior is a place to rest. I cannot control this world, nor can I control my future, but God does. And true faith demonstrates itself by fruit and actions. Therefore...I smile and there is a bounce to my step. Let my love be genuine, my confidence only in what I hope for, and let me look with my eyes lifted up, waiting for HIS return.
~The simplicity of love~