just some poems from my soul

The Walk
Trees reach up
to wave your praise.
Birds fly high
to sing of your splendor.
I am constant
waiting
to hear your voice.
Unaware that
the laughter of your peoples,
the sweet songs of your birds,
the gentle whisper
and hush of your calming breeze
are your voice singing over my walk.

The scent of wood burning
and pipes
and grass.
The color that's
just the right shade of sky
sings as it grazes
just the right shade of grass.
These are all ways
that you are speaking
and ways
that you want to be heard.
Be still my life
and my wrestling spirit
to hear the God of all Creation
whispering poems and melodies
to His daughter.
~kwinnym~

There is Freedom
We are all slaves
passions, desires, appetites
wide is the road to our graves

Where is freedom?
Where has she fled?
Is freedom's desire
for slaves to be dead?

Continual doubt
where did we lose our hope?
There is no such thing as freedom we say
it's how we've learned to cope.

What is this now?
It allows me to breathe.
Freedom's power
has me down on my knees.

I can see it, taste it
I can breathe and stand
on Rock oh so solid
Freedom and I walk hand in hand.
~kwinnym~

tulips

tulips (3)
Originally uploaded by lomokitty.

gahh! I love tulips! Someone buy me tulips for my 22nd birthday?? : )

faith

Psalm 27:10

Though my father and mother forsake me,

the Lord will receive me.

Psalm 27:13-14

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

~Does faith require confidence? ~

whispers

Criticism seems to be my greatest weakness. My kryptonite if you will. I've avoided it by any cost my entire life, yet still have not quite figured out the best way to dodge the bullets. I act like it doesn't hurt, I avoid talking to the person, I apologize and bend over backwards to regain their favor, I continually punish myself for not being the perfection that I think people expect and desire, I even laugh about it. But it would be a lie to say that I do not take it home on my shoulders, and hope that I can find a way to numb the pain.

Maybe if I just come up with a creative blog post.......then maybe I've earned my worth today.

I once knew a boy who never felt the pain. I sometimes wonder if he wishes he felt more, even though it may be easier for him to live his life untouched and safe.

Today was rough, and even a few whispers can set my spirit into turmoil.

~Self loathing is a waste of time~

You told me I slouched.

crooked

Truth

When forced with the fact that you are completely alone, you soon begin to see what is really true in your life, and what you hold to be true. I have found that I am a very selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed human being. I also have found that I need others desperately. How amazing to discover every morning that there is a desperate hole that is aching to be filled with fellowship. What proof that there is a God of relationship, what proof that he desires our love, just as we desire others. To be honest, I don't think I've ever been through something like this before, it's quite humiliating, but at the same time, invigorating. To know that I am incapable of doing absolutely anything on my own is quite an endearing thought or "idea", but only when I was faced with my own loneliness and crooked self did I truly understand that I am incapable of doing any good.

I come home to the same place, the same bed, and the same mirror, and suddenly, everything becomes disturbingly real. There are no more games, no more distractions, just me, a cat, and the Father. The television provides no comfort, nor does the thought of returning to a job in which I feel utterly unprepared to face. This situation occurs almost every day, and the only thought in which I always find my footing on is the one where Jesus is fasting in the desert for forty days. Tempted in every which way. Exhausted, miserable, and utterly alone. I do not believe that Jesus and the Father talked much during these forty days. I believe Jesus did a lot of praying, seeking, and crying, but fellowship, I believe was rather dry, just as the desert he crossed. You see, because if that is the case, He really did face every temptation that man has faced, including the dry times in our walk, the lonely times, the friendless times. Jesus wandered around for forty days to be tested, to be tried, and finally, to be able to cry when we cry, hold us when we are lonely with understanding arms, and to whisper to us with calming words that there is hope. Jesus made it through those forty days, and on the forty first day, he began his ministry of hope, joy, peace, and love. He has truly tasted these times himself.

~Lord, I'm crooked deep down~

turning off the lights

When I first became a Christian, which was when I was ten, I took the spiritual world very seriously. I do not know if that is because I grew up knowing I had a real enemy, or just simply because I was more attuned to it, being a child, who trusts, and if there is a Jesus, then there is a satan, in which I must wage war against. I fought these elementary spiritual battles by stomping on the ground outside whenever I talked about satan with my friends. I'd kick my feet violently on the floor so that the devil would know that I did not like him, and I knew he was going to lose in the end. I made my unsaved friends join in on the stomping, and we felt better after we had spent physical energy on defeating the beast.
At night, I often found myself scared of the dark forces, aware that they could be anywhere at any time. The imagination can be a blessing, but it can also cause unwarranted anxiety. I usually kept my light on in my closet, but I distinctly remember when I began turning off the light, and holding out my small hand, so that Jesus would hold it. It sounds sweet and cute, but at that age, I knew that if my hand was in His, nothing.....nothing could hurt me. It is with this childlike faith that I think I must learn how to simply submit, trust, and fight. I might think that stomping on the ground and holding out my hand at night were small things, but I seriously doubt that satan ever thought they were small, nor did my Father in Heaven.

Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:11-18

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around you like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Resist him standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering. 1 peter 5:8-9

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. Ephesians 1:3-5

~When was the last time I held my hand out?~

come back soon...

I've found that my savior is a place to rest. I cannot control this world, nor can I control my future, but God does. And true faith demonstrates itself by fruit and actions. Therefore...I smile and there is a bounce to my step. Let my love be genuine, my confidence only in what I hope for, and let me look with my eyes lifted up, waiting for HIS return.
~The simplicity of love~

fa-la-la-la-la

so, im not looking forward to this christmas season. i work christmas eve from 3pm to midnight...and then im having a "dinner and a movie d-a-t-e" with a boy. awkward city, population me. since when did i become awkward around people, and why is this the case? Why is there this endless cycle of oh i could date you, but i wont, but i want to, but i cant...stupid Christianity. I dont want to be known as a Christian anymore...for all the rediculous cliches we come up with and all the rediculous ground rules we set down only to break them anyway.

"dont take Christ out of Christmas"...how about, we daily take Christ out of Christianity. Im guilty, which is why i think i hate it so much. I despise the word; Christianity. It makes me want to puke bc of all the negative conotations that come along with the word. I hate that people think of Christians and remember back when aunt loretta told them that they were going to burn in the firey pit if they didnt follow Jesus. Well, I personally dont want to burn in the firey pit...BUT i also dont want some wack lady telling me im going to do so if i dont follow someone who has no relevance to me.

i think that's what im going to call myself. A relevantist. I long to be relevant. Jesus was relevant. I really long for my life to be more relevant and full of contentment. Carrie, let's do a bible study on contentment. That would be sweet.

May all your bells be jingled and all your Christmas' white...and all of your hearts relevant to the hurt that will never go away from this world no matter how many "peace on earth" prayers we half-heartedly pray.

<3kachai tea

snowstorms outside and in my heart

between guys, new jobs, bills, my lack of commitment to anything in my life, and my directionless heart i feel like life has been anything but hopeful.

the trials ive faced this year have such an ironic and reoccuring theme...i wish id learn this lesson and get out of this season of my life; fast.

one thing i am thankful for are friendships. one in particular has remained consistant for about two years and one day my dear friend will be repaid richly for all her generous, selfless, and loving acts of kindness towards me. <3

i need more of Jesus and less of me; it sounds so cliche but it's true. i need wisdom and guidance soon because im completely sick of this continuous crashing and burning.

xanga, myspace, livejournal, blogger...im such a nerd. el fin.

the beginning

i signed up so i could comment on beautiful carrie's blogger...word.